Thoughts on Modesty, Self Image and Temptation Part 2

We've all heard the age old adage-

Don't judge a book by its cover

People take this phrase and apply it in a couple different ways but they all come down to this:

Don't judge people solely by their appearance.

There's a lot more truth to this than a lot of people realize despite the cliche.

How one presents oneself is motivated by many things. Especially for girls. I can't speak for guys but I know that as a girl, clothing and appearance can actually be a very emotional thing.

Girls dress certain ways to fit in, to attract attention, to express themselves. Though very few girls will admit the first two and focus on the latter.

All of this combined - one of the biggest factors that comes in to play when a girl gets dressed in the morning is about how they feel about their body and the mood that they are in. It's about self confidence and the image they have of themselves.


As with a lot of issues I believe there are 2 extremes that need to be balanced. Every girl has their bad days in which they might struggle with each of the extremes. The key is balance and knowing that the extreme feelings that we have at times are just that - extreme.

The first extreme is severe insecurities. These insecurities can be related to the body as a whole or in nitpicking certain areas and are caused by many different things including the words of parents, bullies, depression and other psychological issues, as well media portrayal.

On the other side of the spectrum is Cockiness- an over confidence in one's self which is equally unhealthy.

The balance in all this is confidence.

Confidence is:

• Acknowledging our own flaws but not dwelling on them. 
• Not letting society determine our view of beauty. 
• Isn't prideful and acknowledges flaws and limitations.
• Comes from ourselves and God - not from others. It is from being happy and content with ourselves
• Knowing what you believe and why. 
• Acknowledging that we as humans are all works in progress. 

All of these things are reflected in how we as women present ourselves. Having confidence means that we do not need to rely on our bodies for attention. It means that when the trends say short shorts and plunging necklines, we can say no because fashion doesn't define us. It means that we can acknowledge that the media portrayal of women and fashion is unrealistic and in many ways harmful. 

Girls,

Having a personal sense of style is great, but as women we have to be careful not to fall into the trap of letting our insecurities dress us. Whether that be under dressing or over dressing. There is nothing wrong with wearing things that flatter us. But as I mentioned in my last post its not just about us. We need to be mindful of the people around us. 

I know the feeling of longing for attention, and I have had moments of hating my body and I do have insecurities. But the older I get the more I learn to let go and not let my insecurities dictate how I dress.

Guys, 

I have a secret for you. Girls like it when you pay attention to them. (Ok you knew that but keep reading I am getting to my point. ) We all long to be loved (not just girls, you guys too). But sometimes we struggle to find the balance of learning how to get the right attention from you. We struggle to learn the right type of love. We struggle to realize that attention does not equal love. 

But our view is so skewed by our life circumstances and our society's portrayal of love. It affects guys too but in different ways. It's not an excuse but it is a fact. Girls have struggles and make mistakes just as much as guys. 

Encourage the girls in your life. Treat your sisters in Christ with respect. You don't always know what's going on deep with in the cover.

In short:

Don't judge a book by its cover, because outwards appearances are misleading.

Don't let your insecurities dress you. 

Also:

(Photos from Pinterest)

Confessions?

After enjoying a week off between school subterms I am back at the books. That week was fun but in many ways emotional so I have a lot on my mind. And in this I have a couple of confessions to make.

Last thursday I went to a wedding. My handsome husband was in the bridal party as one of the handsome groomsmen (sorry mr. groom but IMO my man was the handsomest guy up there) so I sat with some of my awesome guy friends.

Confession #1

Weddings are one of the few things that can bring out the girliest part of me.

They make me shriek, giggle and blush. I get excited about finding the perfect gift for the couple, knowing what the color theme is, what the flowers will be like, where the bride got her dress, reception centerpieces, where they are going for the honeymoon, and the mushy love story that every engaged couple loves to tell a million times over.

And weddings are one of the few events that I not only care about dressing up for but get excited about.

I have this pair of ridiculous 3inch heels. I wear them maybe once a year.. and even then they usually end up coming off half way thru whatever event I am attending. (I always have a pair of flip flops with me... ya can't go wrong with flip flops)

Yep, definitely got the girly out of me for a while. Don't expect to see me in a skirt anytime soon.

Confession #2

I cried a little at aforementioned wedding.

This does NOT happen. I never cry about anything. Not at movies, not at weddings. It was just such a beautiful wedding. And I was reminded of my own marriage. (Not that this was hard considering that my own hubby was standing 3 ft from the groom.) I was overwhelmed in that moment being reminded of how awesome it is to love and be loved by the right person at the right time.

*Tangent warning*

My relationship has been criticized many a time. Clint and I love each other so very much but we have quirky ways of showing it. I think the thing that a lot of people do not understand is that I truly did marry my best friend. I love just hanging out with my husband. He is my favorite person to do just about everything with. Yeah, we "argue" in public. If you spend enough time with us you learn very quickly that these "arguments" are just us messing with each other.

The other thing about us is that even in our rough patches there is always one thing we hold each other to. And that is God. God started out as the center of this relationship, he still and and will always be. We know know and acknowledge that with out him nothing in our lives could work. This is despite the disappointment and frustration we have faced in life situations. God continues to be our center.

Ok I better end this random tangent while I can cause I could rant about the things that people have said about our relationship for ever. But that is a post for another time.

*End Random Tangent*

Confession #3

I am the queen of knee jerk reactions.

Last week something happened that initially cause me to have a negative attitude and reaction. I was thankful that despite the fact that my reaction was knee-jerk, I managed to get by without saying something to someone that I would regret.

Self control is key when it comes to emotions. We are all faced time after time with situations that can cause a knee-jerk reaction. You know what I am talking about. Those times when you are told something and then you speak your emotions before you have a chance to think about them.

Sometimes knee-jerk reactions are accurate. Other times they could not be further from the actual reality of the situation, which was the case in the situation I encountered this past week. After some prayer and consideration I realized that I was wrong in my initial reaction. And while I am still not sure what exactly God is going to do in it, I know that my initial reaction was one of fear and a lack of trust.

~~

Well, that's about it for now friends. Only one more thing I want to mention- I have been reading a lot lately. It is something I am trying to make an effort to do more despite my busy schedule. This past weekend I read "The Christian Atheist" By Craig Groeschel. I have been wanting to write a blog post about it so I will probably do that tonight to post tomorrow.

I also started reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne which I am very excited about. Next on my list to read is "Exponential" by Dave Furgeson and Jon Furgeson. There is a story about how Clint and I discovered that book but that is a story for a future post.

(LDJE)

take it or leave it....

So I mentioned in my last post that I was excited because having quit my job I feel more like myself and in many ways less stressed out. I mean yes, I am stressed about finding a new job but in many ways I am so relieved to be out of there. If you know me at all you know that there were many reasons for me to get out of there and just how bad that job stressed me out to the point that it was even affecting my health.

I am just really excited because being able to wear my chunky earrings and my nose ring I feel more comfortable because like it or not that's who I am.

I am a crazy random girl. I love my tapers,my gauged out ears with a billion holes, my nose ring and short choppy messy looking hair (and someday colored). I love purple and fairies and black. My favorite clothes to wear are guys hoodies, dark torn up jeans, random goofy t-shirts and either vans or flip flops. I love goofing off with my friends, playing video games and watching crazy television shows like Dr. Who. I can be the loudest most obnoxious person in the room or the one sitting in the corner that you barely notice all depending on my mood and who I am around. I have a heart for people.I love studying psychology and criminal justice and i am eager to have my degree and start working in some capacity that uses it.

I have had people hint to me that I need to grow up. Forget about my tapers and crazy bunches of holes in my ears and my ideas for tattoos. People have said oh hey well if your gonna have kids some day you are gonna have to grow up. Get rid of all that and start looking like a grown up.

I counter back with this. I AM grown-up! Just because my looks, hobbies , interests don't seem mature or grown up to you doesnt mean that I wont make it in life. Like it or not times are changing.

I am not sure what career I will have but I am confident in the fact that my quirky looks arent going anywhere. Unless God leads me otherwise I will continue to be the pierced quirky person that I am inside and out. I know that God has a plan for me. Like I said, I dont know what my future job will be. But I dont plan on changing my looks for a job unless God leads me otherwise.

I feel like the world is changing is so very much and I want to be a part of it. I think the church is on the verge of change as well. There are so many problems with todays church that I think our generation is going to at least attempt to change. But that is a post for another day.

And as far as the having kids thing. I do not think that having short hair, piercings, tattoos or playing video games is being a bad example or make a person a bad parent. My husband has no problem with the way I look because he knows that it is who I am as a person. He encourages it.

Being judged is a part of this judgmental world. We are all guilty of judging books by their covers. Thing is I dont care any more. I am who I am unapologetically. Given certain situations I will tone it down in order to be respectful but I will not change who I am simply because some one thinks it is immature or unchristian.

Outward appearance does not determine salvation. God takes us as we are. Having piercings and tattoos and girls having short hair is not a sin.

This is something that I have been working on a lot lately. Being myself no matter what. I, like most people tend to care too much about what others think of me. I was fake for so many years. That is no more.

This is me. Take it or leave it.

(LDJE)