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so i havent posted in almost a week slacker me. I had a rough week and was in a very whiny mood so knew that if i posted it would simply be a whining complaining post. So i decided to spare you all.

ANY way....

I'll admit that life it rough right now, but i do my best to look on the bright side of things. Like this week, I am excited cause we are gonna go scout out some new apartments. Our lease isnt up until May but we dont want to be rushing at the last minute or end up somewhere we regret. So I've been doing research and am working on a list of places to visit. This might stress some people out but to me it is exciting. I am weird and i love packing and unpacking and get excited at the idea of arranging/organizing in a new place. I am hoping for a washer/dryer in the unit and a fitness center would be amazing. And yeah actually being able to afford the rent would be nice too (ask if you dont know). I am also hoping that this will be our last apartment before getting a house (a girl can dream)

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Things that make me smile:

One thing that makes me smile (and sometimes drool) is reading interesting blogs. One of my current favorites is:

http://notsohumblepie.blogspot.com

It's a cooking blog. Here's the twist though the author is a science geek so sometimes her food has a fun geeky spin like binary code on her homemade hostess cupcakes, atom cookies, or wii controller cookies.

Fair warning though : this blog can make you drool when your not hungry so this is def not one to read while you are hungry..

I cant wait to try her recipes! They all look so yummy. Her dulce de leche, saganiki, and bacon cake (yes you read that right) are just a few on the list of recipes that i want to try.

coffee anyone?

Laughing at myself:

so every few months i go thru a coffee addiction phase. I will have one cup because i craved it and the next day i will say "just one more" which turns into 2-3 cups a day for the next few weeks. (yeah i know not healthy at all) Then i will realize how bad i need to wean myself off of it because of how it throws my anxiety into high gear and because of the fact that it ups my sugar and fat consumption by a LOT. then i will spend the next 2 weeks weaning myself off of the lovely liquid. Only to succumb to temptation a month or so later because i crave "just one cup" or because i need the caffeine boost.

That bittersweet creamy taste oh so yummy, and the lovely brown color of it in my mug. How hard it is to resist temptation. Oh well i will resist tomorrow.. or the day after that... or in a few weeks...

At least i am not buying it by the cup at starbucks or something. Oh yum i wish i could but i am satisfied by a cup of homemade joe with a bit of milk and more sugar then i should.

Dont judge me... we all have our weaknesses.....

this post starts out boring.. but keep reading it gets better... or at least debate worthy

random ramble:

so today didnt start out too great. I didnt sleep well last night as i had an upset stomach.

yeah and then Gabe decided to be really ornery and i was not looking forward to cleaning the mountain of dishes that i had let accumulate over the weekend. (it's ridiculous the amount of dishes that 2 people can use between friday night and monday) yeah yeah i know not the greatest idea to let those sit for that long. Dont worry i wont do that again....

So i finally realized why my dad has never really liked using the dishwasher. I know that i have a crappy one but honestly... the dishes were cleaner before i ran it. So last week i started doing the dishes all by hand (which is why i was lazy this weekend lol)

anyway so yeah after killing sometime on the computer for a while i spend about an hour and a half doing dishes/ cleaning the kitchen.

then i could do something that i knew would cheer me up

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I have a new video game addiction. and this one will last me a while considering it has not 1 disc not even 2 but 3.

Blue Dragon (RPG) i had never really played an RPG before (i think i tried something on xbox once but it was kinda slow and annoyed me)

I am intrigued by all thinks fantasy ( fairies, mermaids, dragons phoenix 's etc) i think that is what made me curious about this game - the shadow dragon that the main character has.

This leads to my

RANDOM RANT:

I know that a lot of people will argue with me about whether or not i should even be playing such a game because it does include the elements of black and white magic.

Being honest here: I have read Harry Potter, Twilight, and other fictional books that contain such elements that you will argue that i should not expose myself to.

Why did i read these books? a couple of reasons. i want to work with youth. and like it or not these are the books that these youth are reading. Having read these books makes it easier for me to talk to these kids about these topics. They dont take you very seriously if you just say "you shouldnt read those because they have magic in them" (not to mention that i do not agree with that statement). And yes i was curious about the story.

Bottom line for me is this: these books are just stories. that is why they are in the FICTION section. I think that once one is able to comprehend that they are just stories and imagination it is fine if you want to read something that is a lil outside of the box.

I know that the concept of magic is a touchy one. And i am not saying that one should not be careful. Thinking that "magic" is real can get one into some real trouble. That is why while i do not have a problem with the books i mentioned above (are they the greatest? not a chance) i think that one has to be mature enough to know not to take them for more then they are- just stories.

For me these things fascinate me because i know they are not real. (ie Fairies fascinate me because they are cute and while i know with out a doubt that God created everything the concept of the fairies being responsible for the seasons changing is fascinating.)

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Laughing at myself:

So this morning i was making oatmeal. i put the water on to boil went and did some chores and then came back and the water was tinted an icky brown color... i was about to throw it away and start over when i realized i had put just a tad too much vanilla extract in it.. thus the gross brown color..

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I watched the pilots to both The Human Target and Life Unexpected and was pleasantly surprised by both. I was worried that THT would be too much like Burn Notice (which i love) but it wasnt. I also found it cool that the series is based off of a DC comic of the same name.

LU was great! It appeals to the girly side of me more than anything. It does kinda have a Juno mixed with Gilmore Girls kinda feel but i like that.

I will be doing my best to follow them both online of course.

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Life Update:

I got an e-mail about an interview the other day. It's for a nanny job that i found thru Care.com. I am impatient though cause she said she would call me to let me know where she lives. And here it is almost noon (the interview is supposed to be @ 6:15 this afternoon) and i havent had a call. Tis a wee bit frustrating considering things like this drive me nuts if i dont have a detailed plan.

Either way i hope she gets a hold of me soon and something comes of the interview. I feel like such a slacker considering that clint has already worked over 60 hrs this week. It's just really depressing when you turn in application after application and get nothing.

In good news, I am working on loosing about 30lbs and i am on track so far, having lost 5lbs. :) yay!

couple of random rants...

Random Rant #1

umm what has fashion come to? I was watching a bit of the Golden Globes and ummm wow.. while some looked stunning, other i wonder what they were thinking.

(Note:No offense to any one. i dont particularly dislike any celebrity for the most part. there are just some that i wonder what they are thinking when they pick something to wear)

There was one. Who i can't even recall who it was. i think it might have been drew barrymore. but i could be wrong.

the dress drove me nuts. it made her looked washed out for one. but the thing that bothered me the most about it was the caterpiller looking thing that was on her shoulder and opposite hip. it looked like a worm was eating her and was popping out in those 2 spots.

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Random Rant #2

Ever heard of Humans Vs Zombies? (look it up on wiki if you want more details) It is this really fun and crazy game that is typically played on college campuses. (some schools dont like it and have gone so far as to ban nerf guns which are an essential part of the game) It sadly wasnt around while i was in college but i might have the opportunity to play at Cornerstone music festival. I am really hoping we can get enough people interested.

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Random general my life update:

-I have job interview for this friday. It's for a nanny job that starts next week which would be nice. but i am not counting on it considering that i have interviewed for numerous similar jobs to no avail.

-Gonna finally getting my license on saturday.

-this weekend will be nice and relaxing. After the bmv hubby and i are just gonna relax and spend some much needed time with each other.

- hubby is working his way up at his "temp" job. if i remember right there is only one other of the original temps there. so that means that even though clint is still technically a temp he has some seniority.

- next week we are gonna try and go to check out the place that we want to move into in May when our lease at woodcrap manor expires. We are really hoping we can get in there.

-Prayer request: i have to call my loan companies this week and tell them that i can't pay. hopefully because of our financial situation i can get them defered.

injuries, and TGIF

So after a long hiatus i finally started working out again. Only silly me didnt realize just how out of shape my body was... specifically my left knee. apparently i didnt take it easy enough today and some how managed to strain my knee. So now no more working out for rachel, or at least nothing that does much with my left leg... That is why i am sitting here with my knee brace on my elevated knee. not much fun considering i live on the second floor. :P

This weekend should be good. Except that we have to go to the BMV. I need to get my license back. not a big fan of not having it. Or my phone which like i said in the last post has been lacking a charger. but we are planning on getting that tomorrow too. And then we'll be heading up for some family fun.

I was gonna write about something besides just my crazy life today but i am really tired so that will have to wait til another time :)

motivation!

So today started out like most of this week did - icky blah, no motivation, feeling like crap. But then something came over me at about 1:30 and i just kinda got this spurt of motivation to do everything i have been needing to do - clean my apartment, work on this blog, work on some other writing projects, and work on loosing the weight that i want to loose.

So yeah i am gonna keep a food diary for a while and def work out more. I have a fun work out dvd that i just need to use more. I am really excited. i know it wont be easy but i am really determined to loose about 30 lbs. (that might seem like a lot but with how short i am that really is about where i should be. )

yeah so i am excited about that:)

oh yes and we found out today that clint's ( everybody's at his job) pay cut has been restored! which means because of the schedule change not only is he back to making what he used to but more because of the extra hour added to his show! God continues to provide :)

Still miss my cell phone - my charger has been missing for almost 3 weeks now. uggg.. i live by that thing.

hmm maybe a more serious post tomorrow...

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Hi all

Not feeling the greatest today. I am just really sick of winter. All the pressure changes, lack of sunlight or the incredibly bright reflection of the sunlight on the snow, and the cold all mess with my head like nothing else can. And my depression is always the worst right around this time. I need to move to a more temperate climate. But i won't cause i love my city.

I dont have much motivation. I have had a headache for 2 days now. I can handle headaches but when you have multiple ones in a week.. it wears you out.

Any way i will try to talk about something a lil more positive. Clint and I went grocery shopping yesterday and discovered something kinda cool at Sam's. Because of our very slim income we have to eat as cheaply as possible for the time being. Not a huge deal considering that we are not that picky. We dont mind living off of sandwiches, Ramen, etc. So we were looking at things that we could buy that would last. They have their bakery bread, like hoagies, french baguettes, and rolls of all sorts. They have to sell them by a certain date so aftera certain amount of time they put them on a rack at reduced price :) we got 12 foot long hoagies for $6. Which is amazing because we can use those for cheap subs, clint likes PB &J on them and i can also make amazing french toast with them. I cut several in half and put them in the freezer so they last longer:)

I'm gonna have a nice 6in sub for lunch :)

gonna sign off for now because this headache is starting to settle in behind my eyes.

the real about me

A little bit about me for those who might have stumbled upon my humble blog while traversing this thing we call the internet here's a bit of info about me.

I'm 21 and recently married to the most wonderful husband on earth.

I am currently on a break from school as the one i had previously attended decided to up and close it's doors. Which was horrible but didnt really set me back that much considering that i was changing my major in the middle of my jr year and had already taken a lot of my original major's classes.

So I am returning to school in May (yeah i know why the heck am i starting in the summer? i am crazy i know. but i want to get my degree) my degree will be in psychology.

I love animals. Dogs, cats, birds, mostly but almost anything. I love learning about them and i know a lot of random facts about dog, and cat breeds and different birds.

I curently have 1 king charles cavalier spaniel named Gabriel. (the best breed ever!) He is the cutest thing and helps a lot when my depression and or anxiety acts up. He is our baby (we do not want 2 legged kids for a few years.

He is just under a year old and I am working on training him to pass the Good Canine Citizen certification so that i can move on and get him certified as a therapy dog. I hope someday to get another cavy and a french bulldog.

I am a "christian" but i will not shove anything down anyones throat. I believe it is a personal decision. But feel free to ask my questions. I am also in many ways liberal.

I do struggle with depression and anxiety, so i do have my days that are off and at times my entries can be kind of "emo".

Speaking of my entries, I must preface my blog with a warning-

My shut-up box often malfunctions. This makes me a very blunt, honest, say the first thing that comes to my head kinda gal. Please dont take anything personally. I might be offensive,rude, or on occasion a bit vulgar. it's mostly just honesty though. So read on.. but don't say i didnt warn you :)

That's about all I can think of

i do tend be random and sometimes ramble or jump from subject to subject but ehh that's waht a blog is for. .

Happy reading!

...

So i hate making up titles for blog entries cause they tend to be boring repeats. so yeah. most of the time i will not have a title beyond the periods.. if you want to know what the post is about look at the tags... lol sorry for that little rant

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A lil reminder :

My shut-up box often malfunctions. This makes me a very blunt, honest, say the first thing that comes to my head kinda gal. Please dont take anything personally. I might be offensive,rude, or on occasion a bit vulgar. it's mostly just honesty though. So read on.. but don't say i didnt warn you :)

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Today a couple things came up that have made me reflect on past friendships.

I have had a lot of friends come and go in my 21 years of life. For this reason or that reason. I know that there are probably a handful of people out there who think that i hate them. Here's the truth of that matter.

I know a lot of people say this who dont mean this but if you were my friend for any period of time you know the following statement is true:

I don't hate anyone.

I really dont. There are people who have hurt me and lost my trust. There are people that i feel are/were making some mistakes so severe in their life that i feel/felt the need to remove myself from them.

But I truly do not hate anyone.

The way i see friendship is VERY 2 sided. friends help each other. they dont tear each other down. if i feel as though i am being torn down, i will back away from a a friendship.

I care so much about my friends that i hang on way past the time that a person starts hurting me because i want to help. But i have realized that i can only take so much. And though some might call it selfish I know when to take a step back from a person. This also applies to friends that I feel (or felt at one point) God wants me to help. If it gets to the point that this person has turned away from God and refuses to take anything i say to heart, I will step back and put it in God's hands.

That has always been the hardest part for me. Stepping back out of a person's life and putting it in God's hands. It is heartwrenching for me. Because i care.

I have emotional scars from people that i still care about. I still pray for these people every day.

Which leads me to a pet peeve of mine. The phrase "forgive and forget" or "forgiving is forgetting"

In my opinion it is not.

Here's my thing. If you do something wrong, that makes me lose your trust, YES i will forgive you. BUT i am not gonna forget what you did. This is not to say that i will hold it over your head.

But you must to a certain extent earn my trust back again.

Trust is easier lost then gained. I trust my closest friends so much. To lose it takes a decent amount considering that i am quick to give people the benefit of the doubt. But if a person does some thing to lose my trust i admit that it is not easily gained back. This is simply because I, like any human, do not want to be hurt.

So to all those people from my past - I do forgive you. I do not hate you. I am praying for you.

So a new public blog...

Well it's 2010.

I know this is a lil late for a reflection post but oh well.

As many of you know last year had some of my highest highs and my lowest lows.

I married the love of my life and my best friend, Clint Mullet.

I was able to somehow get my dream dog, a King Charles cavalier spaniel. I never thought i'd be able to get one because of the money. They are one of the few breeds that i would pick over a good ol' mix breed. Gabe has brought so much joy with him. I loved the breed before, i love them even more now.

I experienced Cornerstone Music Festival for the first time. (I felt God so much there. I learned so much and had so much fun. cant wait to go back this year. even if i have to be one of the people who hitch hike in)

I reached my 1 yr anniversary of not cutting.

I gained a few friends.

I technically moved out of my parents house. Which is a good and a bad. Good - cause well, I am 21 and married lol. Bad because i do miss them being 4hrs away.

The school i was supposed to graduate from closed.

I've been jobless, not knowing where the money for the bills or even food was going to come from.

I failed a few classes and let myself down.

I lost a few friends.

I guess the biggest thing for me though is just how much i learned last year. Everything that happened, good and bad all taught me something. I have no regrets because it all taught me something.

I've learned just how much God does provide and how faithful he is.

I've learned/ am learning not to be so fearful.

I've learned to be more careful about who i trust.

I've learned that sometimes puppy kisses and cuddles can heal anything.

I've learned that all i really need to be happy is God, my husband, and my angel Gabriel. (Although video games are a nice plus :) )

I've learned that as crazy as my family is and even though we don't always agree I will still always love them.

I've learned to accept who I am and to continue discovering more of me. My crazy quirks, guilty pleasures, my shut-up box that is most often broken, the girly part, the tomboyish part, all of it.

Some of you might ask me what brought on the change in me. it's not so much as change as it is an uncaging of the girl i've been hiding all these years. I just keep growing and learning more about myself everyday. And i am ok with that. It make every day and adventure.

Which is what this year will be. An adventure!

Our lease runs up in May so we'll be moving. To a much smaller apartment. (We are currently in a 3brm that we cannot afford. we had 2 people back out on helping us with the rent and move out.) We are looking forward to it. Moving to a bit of better neighborhood. And a much better complex that will be cheaper with many nice perks like a a fitness center and several pools.

Cornerstone 2010. Hoping to get a group to go with us and have our own little section in that wonderful tent town. (get a hold of us if you are interested in going along)

Clint and I are both starting school back up in May if all goes according to plan.

I am hoping that a job is in my future as well....

And only God knows what else!