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So i hate making up titles for blog entries cause they tend to be boring repeats. so yeah. most of the time i will not have a title beyond the periods.. if you want to know what the post is about look at the tags... lol sorry for that little rant

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A lil reminder :

My shut-up box often malfunctions. This makes me a very blunt, honest, say the first thing that comes to my head kinda gal. Please dont take anything personally. I might be offensive,rude, or on occasion a bit vulgar. it's mostly just honesty though. So read on.. but don't say i didnt warn you :)

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Today a couple things came up that have made me reflect on past friendships.

I have had a lot of friends come and go in my 21 years of life. For this reason or that reason. I know that there are probably a handful of people out there who think that i hate them. Here's the truth of that matter.

I know a lot of people say this who dont mean this but if you were my friend for any period of time you know the following statement is true:

I don't hate anyone.

I really dont. There are people who have hurt me and lost my trust. There are people that i feel are/were making some mistakes so severe in their life that i feel/felt the need to remove myself from them.

But I truly do not hate anyone.

The way i see friendship is VERY 2 sided. friends help each other. they dont tear each other down. if i feel as though i am being torn down, i will back away from a a friendship.

I care so much about my friends that i hang on way past the time that a person starts hurting me because i want to help. But i have realized that i can only take so much. And though some might call it selfish I know when to take a step back from a person. This also applies to friends that I feel (or felt at one point) God wants me to help. If it gets to the point that this person has turned away from God and refuses to take anything i say to heart, I will step back and put it in God's hands.

That has always been the hardest part for me. Stepping back out of a person's life and putting it in God's hands. It is heartwrenching for me. Because i care.

I have emotional scars from people that i still care about. I still pray for these people every day.

Which leads me to a pet peeve of mine. The phrase "forgive and forget" or "forgiving is forgetting"

In my opinion it is not.

Here's my thing. If you do something wrong, that makes me lose your trust, YES i will forgive you. BUT i am not gonna forget what you did. This is not to say that i will hold it over your head.

But you must to a certain extent earn my trust back again.

Trust is easier lost then gained. I trust my closest friends so much. To lose it takes a decent amount considering that i am quick to give people the benefit of the doubt. But if a person does some thing to lose my trust i admit that it is not easily gained back. This is simply because I, like any human, do not want to be hurt.

So to all those people from my past - I do forgive you. I do not hate you. I am praying for you.