Thoughts on Modesty, Self Image and Temptation Part 1

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about the three topics mentioned in the title of this post. Not so much separately but how they relate to each other. And they are a lot more intertwined than you might think.

The correlation between Modesty and Temptation is probably pretty clear with out much explanation. But the  relation of all three might not be as obvious.

Modesty is a topic that has been discussed in detail within the church and there are a handful of opinions on the matter. But they all stem from 2 extremes.

The first extreme is that the responsibility belongs solely to women.  

In a stark contrast the other extreme is that the responsibility belongs solely to men.

There are 2 main faults with each of these extremes.

Saying the responsibility belongs solely to women would imply that rape is the woman's fault (this is so wildly inaccurate I even hate typing this sentence in this context). It also takes away the concept of free will and implies that men are completely incapable of self control and resisting temptation.

On the other hand, saying that the responsibility belongs solely to men implies a lack of the the loving and caring spirit that God wants us to have for each other as his children. It also (as with the former extreme) takes away the responsibility of the woman, which is not only unfair but unrealistic.

So with whom does the responsibility lie?

In my opinion it lies with both the men and the women.

To the lovely ladies out there:
We as women should keep modesty in mind when we are dressing ourselves and shopping for clothes. Yes, this might mean passing up on some of the latest trends (let's leave the short shorts and plunging necklines on the rack). This should not be seen as burden to us but rather as a way to show respect and the love of Christ  for and to the men in our lives. It is an acknowledgement of the temptation and that God made men as very visual beings which is something that can be difficult for us to relate to at times, especially sexually.

To the same respect Guys:
In being modest we acknowledge you and the differences in our genders. But you do have a responsibility to  resist lustful thoughts because like it or not there is only so much we can do. It is impractical, unrealistic and unfair you to not accept a part of the responsibility. God gave you free will and the ability to control yourself. You are not an animal. You can control your self. Those thoughts can only control you if you let them.


If the church could agree that the responsibility of modesty and sexual temptation is shared, things would be better for every one involved.

Youth pastors and leaders don't just confront the girl. Confront the boy as well. I have heard too many stories of girls who are hurt because they are approached in church because of something they are wearing. Albeit sometimes these confrontations are with good reason.

But still- why is only the girl confronted? Why not the boy who is ogling her like a sexual plaything? Why the double standard? Why do we act like the pharisees who stoned the woman caught in adultery but did not hold the man accountable?



In a nutshell - the responsibility is shared. The confrontation and accountability need to follow suit.


This post ended up being longer than I thought so I will post part  next week. I would love your thoughts in the mean time.


Thanks for reading :)

LDJE